My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
