Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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