The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
