I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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