Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just high enough for therapy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
