why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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