i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
