i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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