I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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