I'm going to jail i love you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
