Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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