i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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