It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We need to get me chipped asap
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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