YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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