Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
