if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
