One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
