i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
