I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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