I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
