We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
