just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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