kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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