yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
