and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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