Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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