whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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