If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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