My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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