Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
