Buhtt sex?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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