i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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