could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
