She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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