Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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