i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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