if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
