Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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