There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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