3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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