I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
