I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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