god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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