First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
