I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
