Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
