i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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