i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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