I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
