How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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